New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
