I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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