Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
He passed out mid-signature
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
