The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
