i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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