TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
