she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
