we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
