New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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