can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
