She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
