I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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