I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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