38 yer olds are good kisserssss
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
