I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
