Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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