shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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