I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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