it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
