I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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