Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
