1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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