By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
