If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
