i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
