i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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