just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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