it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
