Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
