moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
