you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
