Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
