STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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