he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
