The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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