yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
