Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
