wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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