i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
