STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
