So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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