Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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