Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I pour the whiskey from now on
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
