My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
