i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
