Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Randomize
