my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
