Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
