i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
