Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
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