I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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