Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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